The more I try to understand, the less I understand.
Everyone has problems, everyone deals with them differently. Everyone has walls, everyone has fronts. From what I've noticed over the years, everyone has a similar way of dealing with their problems.
- Tell everyone about them
- Hold them in and keep to self
- Busy self, to avoid problem
- Drink or do Drugs to forget issues
- Avoidance of problem, self destruct
- Deal with them and try to solve them
- Manipulate somebody else to deal with them
There are more, but those are the basics. What all of us want though, is someone to relate with. Someone to listen and that understands. But it's easier said than done. This is why we create walls, so nobody can see our problems or get close enough to hurt us. Too many times we want someone to understand, that we let our walls down, only to be hurt time and time again. At times we're so needy to want someone, we don't care to recognize that we drop our defense so easily, that we actually set ourselves up for failure.
Nobody wants to be alone. Everyone wants the same thing in life, for the most part. I'm about 100% sure that nobody wants to grow old alone though.
Nobody wants to be alone. Everyone wants the same thing in life, for the most part. I'm about 100% sure that nobody wants to grow old alone though.
*updated 4/5/10
This has taken me longer to finish than anticipated. Mainly, because I didn't know how to put it.
In the past 6 months, 2 instances have arisen. I've had two people in my life who I thought, I meant more to to them than I actually did. Each had led me to believe they cared more than they actually did. Both let their walls down, because they needed someone to be close to. Both took what they wanted from me and gave nothing back.
I supported, cared and without a doubt put forth more time and effort into their lives than I should have. If they were an investment, I'd be in debt without a doubt.
Each one let their walls down for me, so without better judgement, I let mine down as well. Not because I didn't think they cared, but because I thought I trusted them. Looking back on it, I only let my walls down so I could have someone that could listen. Someone that I thought wanted to understand. In the end, that's all I really wanted. Because if I would have opened my eyes, I would have seen what they were actually doing. Manipulating and putting forth little to no effort towards me. While in the meantime, I was helping them as much as I possibly could, with their own problems. (Shame on me)
It was only until I started asking for their time, asking them to do something I wanted to do, did the "friendship" start to diminish. It was the hardest thing to swallow. One "friend," I've known since birth, turned one of the kids I coached and cared deeply about against me. The second "friend," who I supported and helped beyond belief. Believed it was too much of me to be asking anything from her.
They're both gone, in a way I'm glad. The way they treated me (when all I really asked for in return, was for them to care) is something I don't need in my life.
I rushed into letting my walls down, because I wanted someone to care. That was my own fault, because the only way to let walls down and people in, is time.
This has taken me longer to finish than anticipated. Mainly, because I didn't know how to put it.
In the past 6 months, 2 instances have arisen. I've had two people in my life who I thought, I meant more to to them than I actually did. Each had led me to believe they cared more than they actually did. Both let their walls down, because they needed someone to be close to. Both took what they wanted from me and gave nothing back.
I supported, cared and without a doubt put forth more time and effort into their lives than I should have. If they were an investment, I'd be in debt without a doubt.
Each one let their walls down for me, so without better judgement, I let mine down as well. Not because I didn't think they cared, but because I thought I trusted them. Looking back on it, I only let my walls down so I could have someone that could listen. Someone that I thought wanted to understand. In the end, that's all I really wanted. Because if I would have opened my eyes, I would have seen what they were actually doing. Manipulating and putting forth little to no effort towards me. While in the meantime, I was helping them as much as I possibly could, with their own problems. (Shame on me)
It was only until I started asking for their time, asking them to do something I wanted to do, did the "friendship" start to diminish. It was the hardest thing to swallow. One "friend," I've known since birth, turned one of the kids I coached and cared deeply about against me. The second "friend," who I supported and helped beyond belief. Believed it was too much of me to be asking anything from her.
They're both gone, in a way I'm glad. The way they treated me (when all I really asked for in return, was for them to care) is something I don't need in my life.
I rushed into letting my walls down, because I wanted someone to care. That was my own fault, because the only way to let walls down and people in, is time.
No comments:
Post a Comment