For thought

Some days I wonder if there's a meaning to any of this. 

From my point of view, my life seems meaningless. The only thing I've ever wanted in life, seems to elude me whenever I believe it's within grasp.

The only thing I've ever wanted, for as long as I can remember, has been important to someone.  A relationship that's not one sided, but a relationship where someone wants to know me or wants me there as much as I want them.

The less I look, the less I find. The more I look, the less I care.  I'm stuck in such a rut that it sucks thinking that I'm not getting any younger and that I may never find it.  I've never really cared about what I want in life, because  the only thing in life I've ever really wanted was this. For as long as I can remember, I've never felt important to anyone. There's deep psychological things attached to this, I'm pretty sure, but it's amazing how it all changes once someone takes the time for you. 

All I'd really like is for something in my life to change. I go through such a horrid routine, only because I really have no reason to think there's brighter days ahead. It's such a shitty view and I hate it, but I really don't' know how to change it without inspiration or meaning.  

I wish I didn't have these thoughts and was normal, but I don't know how to change them or deal with them.

All it'd really take is for someone to want to be here.  I don't know how else to explain it. I'm trying to inspire myself, but I really don't care at this moment.  Some days, I wonder if I really matter enough to anyone. That's not a suicidal statement, it's a depressive statement. 

I've been alone for quite a while now and all I really want, is to be someone to somebody.

there's a lot of moving on that i've had to do and blogs like this are ones that I try to avoid. I've hidden a secret, that I never wanted. But blogs like this have been fewer from the beginning of the timeline....