Signs

 See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences? 

For every door that's being closed, it just means another door is being opened. If you don't look for it, you'll find it. But if you become complacent, it'll never happen.

I've given FedEx, enough time to see it through and hope things would get better, it hasn't. I've already seemed to have peaked out there, about a year ago. Since then, I've tried to get back to where I was, but no matter how hard I work, I'll never move up, so it's time to move on. I have reached the end of my timeline. The only question is, what next? I need to get my life back on track, set goals, try to achieve greatness or awesomeness. Something will happen, just have to keep awake at the wheel. 

I believe there's no coincidences. I believe we're presented opportunities and it's up to us to decide if we'll take it or not. I firmly believe in this, because the result of a missed opportunity becomes a "coulda, woulda, shoulda," a regret.  We regret the opportunities we don't take. 

But I believe we're led to those opportunities by something we can't see, something called faith. A higher power, a higher being.  It's our decision if we want to acknowledge it or not.  

You need light in your life, in order to grow. You also need darkness, so you know the difference of right and wrong.  It's life's equilibrium. Everything needs to be balanced out in order to maintain sane.

The darkness in my life nearly consumed and devoured me.  Just by having faith, I knew better days were in store. Slowly and surely, I've begun to see just that.  This is why I believe. 

James 4:7-10 

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

After I read that passage around 2003 or 2004, my life changed.  I let go, I knew things would get worse, before they'd get better. I just didn't know how long.  I still don't know how long I have to suffer, but I know and believe something or someone has been watching over me, to make sure I'd make it through.  I could have died at least twice during this time frame. My low's have been lower than low. I've never felt as bad in my life as I felt during this time.  It was almost as if I was going through an exorcism. My dues are being paid in full with interest.  I've never once questioned why I was doing this. The only question I questioned I've asked, is "how much longer is this going to last?" But during this time, I pitied myself and tried to seek pity from others, but in the end, I had to look at and answer myself . All I really wanted from someone else, was to help me or keep me from drowning. It's hard when it seems no one is there.

Life moves on, with or without you. But it's good to know that living your life, with a purpose makes it all more rewarding.

The people who've been brought into my life in the last few months, I believe, are here for a reason. One person in particular,  I can honestly say, I've never met anyone like her. I've met a lot of people in the last ten years and all of them have a special meaning, but none have the humanitarian criteria like she possesses.  She makes me feel normal. The little things in life, mean more to me than anything. Less is more, simple is underrated and being genuine about someone else's feelings is an anomaly. Feeling guilty, for having to tell someone no, is something we try to avoid, the feeling of letting someone down is a pretty shitty feeling. Even though we'd love to give into our own impulses, it's selfish to put ourselves ahead of someone else. Don't get me wrong, we do put our own priorities and ego ahead of others, we're just sneaky about it and don't let anyone catch on. But her way of thinking and compassion towards others, (isn't that far from my own) is  completely backwards of most.


I guess what I'm getting at, is that things will be fine, regardless of what happens right now. I know that in the end, I'm suppose to be somewhere, with someone and I don't know the answer to either one. I just know that I'm not worried and everything will be alright.